An angel flew into the sky, while flying he met with a bird. Surprised, the bird stopped and greeted him, “Hail oh the Angel of Heaven”, respectfully he bowed while covering his face with his wings. The bird fell down.
-------------------------
An angel flew into the sky, onto the clouds, outside the
atmosphere, facing the sun. It was a sight to behold, the sun shining as bright
as it could be, while the green blue earth spun bright, basking in the light.
Then the angel spake “How great is the beauty of God’s creation”.
He continued flying further and further, away from the milky
way unto the center of the universe. In here far away from everything he could
see the sight of everything expanding away all around him. He rose his hands,
spun around, “Oh how beautiful, how serene” he said. He breathe in… but immediately
choke “Oh, I forgot” he said, “there’s no air”… Then he opened up his pants and
said “this is it, this is the spot” he proceeded to pee and watched as the droplings
of his urine floated onto the weightless space… “How glorious,” he said, “How
majestic”.
-------------------------
An angel flew into the sky and then dove deep into a volcano
in the middle of the ocean. Deep down at the center of the earth, he saw hell,
people were tortured and satan was sitting in a pool chair sipping on a
cocktail while reading a newspaper. The Angel looked annoyed at this sight and
came up to him. “Oh why Angel” Satan said, to what occasion do I owe this honor
of your visitation?
“Spare me your false courtesy” the Angel replied, “Show me
where the toilet is”
“Ah, I see” Satan said… and then he showed the toilet “Help
yourself”
The Angel walked in and opened up his pants. Bursting out a
river of urine he sighed in satisfaction.
As the urine vaporized into the air due to the sheer heat of
the sulfur below, the Satan locked the door on him. Angel perplexed with this
situation banged the door from inside and shouted “Hey what are you doing!” but
received no reply. Realizing what happened he accepted it and smiled,
“You thought you got me… heheheh as if it would ever
happened”
he took a deep breath and waited for a moment as he seemed
to be bracing for something.
With loud invigorated voice he farted tons of air from his
intestine. And as the mass of methane fills the air, and as all of those
methane reacted to the hellfire, the volcano erupted and blew the angel back into
the earth’s surface.
He flew higher unto the sky and after a while he looked back
down and said
“damn my pants”. He left his pants inside the toilet.
A man and a woman walked pass a small bridge above a creek.
As they were approaching the center of the arc a small angel with wings took
out an arrow and shot the guy in his heart.
Overwhelmed with love as they reached the center of the arc
he took out his coat and gave put it over the woman’s shoulders.
Seeing this the woman’s face became red, surprisingly she
said “thank you, I’m happy that you do this”
“I’m happy that you’re happy” replied the man
The woman overcame with embarrassment put his face down and farted
loudly and involuntarily.
The man noticed that the woman was deeply embarassed and
troubled, took the coat back and wear it on himself. As he was wearing it he
farted loudly and stinkly. Both of them coughed as the stink was unbearable.
“I’m so sorry, I didn’t know that the coat could cause such
a thing”
“It’s okay” said the woman while holding her hand over her
nose. He leaned into the man’s direction and both of them kissed… while the air
still saturated with both of them’s farts.
The little angel was satisfied and smilingly flew up into
the sky. While flying he met a regular sized angel.
“Hey I just made a couple fell in love”
“Nice, congratulations”
“Thank you… Why are you not wearing your pants?”
“Oh, this?”
“Yeah, your penis is hanging out, that”
“Oh, don’t mention it…”
“I mean…”
“What?”
“Your penis is hanging out…”
“Oh, okay, I left my pants in the toilet”
“Oh not the toilet again”
“Are you done judging me, thought you’re going somewhere”
“No I’m not done judging you, are you going to get your
pants back or wear anything else? You just going to leave it hanging out like
that?”
“One’s purity is not determined by the display of its penis”
“…
…
I don’t know how to reply to that”
“he heh, I just made it up”
“Oh my God, Okay, I’m not going to argue with the likes of
you”
“Alright”
“Fine”
“Fine”
“Good luck with… nevermind”
“Alright”
“Bye”
“Bye…”
---------------------------
One day there's Dove flying while day dreaming. He saw a half naked angel flying around near bushes on a public park. At first he hesitated from doing anything seeing the Angel in such a weird state, but he had been searching for him for a long time now he decided to ignore any trivialities.
Angel: Hey Dove guy! nice to see you
Dove: Oh respectable Angel... (paused a bit while glancing at His crotch), ehm, I've been looking for thou from moment the sun rose. Please excuse my presence
Angel: Oh hey! no need for such formalities I've told you, we are friends! (started to approached the Dove in warmth)
Dove: (Felt a bit uncomfortable) My honor oh Angel upon whom I revere.
Angel: Cut it out, what's the matter?
Dove: It's my wife, heh (exhaling). Ever since yesterday she wouldn't talk to me. When I got home from hunting I found her stayed still inside our shelter, she didn't open the door for me, nor greeted me a welcome home. It's unusual of her so I asked it of her but still she wouldn't uttered a word.
Angel: Oh dear
Dove: To top it off she wouldn't even looked at me, just stayed there at the corner and got annoyed at my presence.
Angel: My friend Dove, as much as I'm willing to help, I'm not the best at dealing with issues such as this. My friend cupid however, he is the one who you should talk to about this.
Dove: Oh Angel I'm so sorry for wasting your time with my mundane problem
Angel: (*slapped him on his wings) common I said cut it off... oops (casted healing prayer). Sorry about that.
Dove: (I thought I was about to die). Ok Angel thanks for the referral
Angel: Sure, find Cupid at romantic places where couples usually hang, by the river, or on the cliff facing the sunset, in this park also but only after the dark... well, I don't recommend bothering him during that though.
Dove: Alright Angel, thanks for your help
Now the Dove flew around places that the Angel suggested, and at last he found Cupid swirling around on the river banks where there were some couples scattered around in different spots, enjoying the scenery and the butterflies.
Dove: Oh Angel Cupid whom I revere, please excuse my intrusion. I came to you referred to Joy, an Angel that called me a friend as I'm in need for your generous help.
Cupid: Hey little Dove I'm indeed Cupid, nice to meet you. His friend is my friend also, drop the courtesy to what account are you here? I'd be glad to help
Dove: It's about my wife...
Cupid listened to this and somewhere along the line put up a spontaneous smile and before Dove finished telling his story...
Cupid: I get it say no more...
Dove: Huh?
Cupid: Go home now and you'll find her happy and loving and kind towards you.
Dove: I don't understand
Cupid: Well... do you not believe?
Dove: I dare not... thank you so much oh Angel Cupid
Cupid: No problem, tell me how it went after ok?
Dove: Alright oh Angel, now please excuse me
Cupid: Seriously drop the courtesy
Dove: Sorry. (and then he left)
Upon coming back he found that his wife was excited to meet him, brought him some food she dried on the sun and then put some of those in his mouth gently.
Cupid was so happy and grateful, he admire the Angel Cupid and believed in his power.
The next day he searched for Cupid and found him stalking a couple passing through a quiet road on their way to the city...
Dove: Angel Cupid! Oh a great Angel Cupid!
Cupid was shocked hearing such shouting from behind, he released his arrow prematurely and hit a frog. Now the frog went up to a grasshopper trying to hump it passionately.
Cupid: Hey! what have you done!
Oh... hey it's you Dove, come on now you made me missed a shot! The moment was almost right. Sheesh now he got friendzoned... damn it. (then he covered his mouth...) ooops Forgive me God.
Dove: (Bowing to the ground) I'm so sorry oh great Cupid I didn't...
Cupid: Oh cut it out, I told you to stop the courtesy!
Dove: (Confused...)
Cupid: Oh yeah, how was it! (asked Cupid excitingly) how did it go with you and your wife?
Dove: It was exactly as you said, thanks to you she's wonderful to me
Cupid: Thanks to me?! Hahaha no no no my friend, see yesterday I saw her flying around here and there panicking as she was searching for something
Dove: (looked a bit surprised while seriously listening)
Cupid: Not long before you came, she found what she was looking for, it was the marriage olive branch. She lost yours' marriage olive branch. After she found it she was so happy and went home hastily
Dove: Oh... (Covered his face with a wing) you could've told me that yesterday
Cupid: That would ruin the element of surprise, you guys may even ended up fighting...
Dove: Oh, I'm sorry I was out of line
Cupid: Oh my God please!
Dove: Sorry...
Cupid: Heh heh (smirked in satisfaction)
Dove: (Thought about it for a while)
Cupid: What's on your mind?
Dove: This is not fair, it was her fault and I'm the one being treated like that
Cupid: Hmmm? Put yourself in her shoes, It's your fault
Dove: Huh? How is it mine fault?
Cupid: You married her...
Dove: ??? So?
Cupid: If you didn't marry her there wouldn't be no branch and she wouldn't have lost it, and wouldn't had to searched for it.
Dove: ??? What?
Cupid: Yeah put yourself in her shoes
Dove: ??? But...
Cupid: (smiling like there's something funny)
Dove: Oh I get it
Cupid: Right?
Dove: Yeaaaah...
Cupid: So problem solved?
Dove: Eh... (smiling dissapointedly)
Cupid: Hey no one knows from what image God created the female kind, even God Himself seemed to have lost track... don't be so hard on yourself (patting the Dove's left shoulder). OOPS! (*casting healing prayer)... sorry about that
Dove: Huh where am I? Didn't my mother was about to feed me just now?
Cupid: Fyuuuh, I almost killed a God's creation there. Are you alright Dove
Dove: Oh... I remember...
Cupid: Sorry my friend I'm so sorry about that! Here I give you another information, if you go to that tree over there, right on its side there's a rotten part where worms gathered to feast... Consider it my apology
Dove: oh, it's nothing, I'm grateful for your wonderful help
Cupid: hey now, don't mention it... (*ooops!) I almost killed you again right there
Dove: Was I... actually dead?
Cupid: Alright little one goodbye now... (flew hastily to the stratosphere)
Dove: Hmmm next time I'd tell him if there were couples trying to build up some romances. Seems like it'd be good for his job.
------------------------------
Two very good friends were celebrating their week, suddenly one of them pulled out a gun and pointed at the other one.
"Hey hey!"
*Shaking and breathing heavily
"What are you doing man, don't play around"
"It's your fault man... "
"What?"
"I've tried to warn you, ALL THE TIME!, you make me do this..."
"STOP! Stop, let's talk about this carefully you don't want to..."
"YES I DON'T WANT TO DO THIS man! I don't!..."
"Then don't..."
Visibly he was pissed by this response,
"Such a loose canon you are man, you're such a loose canon. You know what we do with a loose canon"
"You protect it and keep it safe..."
"NO! NO! What? No! you destroy it" (making an ugly murderous expression)
"Well it depends on the canon ball, what if it's a canon ball of myrh, cinnamon and... tung.. tungsten?"
"You..."
"Wait was it tungsten let me look it up..." (pulled out his phone)
"Its Tungsten yes it is, Tungsten is a word" (impatiently)
"Tungsten, or wolfram, is a chemical element with the symbol W and atomic number 74. Tungsten is a rare metal found naturally on Earth almost exclusively as compounds with other elements. It was identified as a new element in 1781 and first isolated as a metal in 1783, (Wikipedia, July 2022)"
"...." (was spacing out a little bit)
"What if it was a star anise?!" (Making a Jack Nicholson face)
"Star Anise, yeah ok star anise is a nice one
"Yeah"
"It was frankenscence and gold... the ones you're looking for was frankenscense and gold"
".... right" (blinking in defeat), "The point is, it's a fragrant canon ball"
"oh" rolling his eyes,
"now in that case you don't need to destroy the loose canon"
He lowered his gun down, and after the tension loosened a little his friend said
"and vabe also"
"What?" making a questionable expression on his face
"Yeah as in vabbing. What if it was a vabe canon ball?"
*Shocked and horrored by what he was hearing
"That's it" pulled out his gun and shoot multiple times. From the outside there were visible flashes of light for every gunshots.
--------------------------------
Maksud hati memeluk gunung apa daya tangan tak sampai
Maunya di puluk puluk
Tapi sayang pacar tak aday
--------------------------------
You guys are assholes, nice assholes. Sometimes you're funny, sometimes you're kind, overall generously entertaining. But assholes regardless
I hate your assholery with my gut
-------------------------------
A day in the border of the enemy:
There were two towns located at the border of each other's countries. The other side is at war with the other.
There's a famous beautiful actress that everyone liked including the guys from the enemy territory.
A weapon warehouse manager had a sticker of the actress' altered picture to become more vuloptuous than usual, in order to hide it from his co-workers he sticked it on one of the missile hidden in the warehouse.
One day a guy from the other town was walking day dreaming about the actress being vuloptuous... He was walking down the street casually, unbeknownst to him the enemy launched an attack to the territory.
A bird flew in a rush to chase after the migrating flock that's leaving it behind, suddenly a flying object went straight into its face. Not having enough time to dodge, it collided right on, face to face.
It was the missile that hit the bird. The collision caused the gunpowder compartment leaked out gunpowder to the air and fell into the ground. The guy was daydreaming while the missile hit him on his dead. The guy dropped to the ground holding his bruising head. When he got up he realized that it was a missile, but just when he was about to run he noticed... the beautiful vuloptuous sticker.
He mesmerized a little, taking seconds of his life away leaning forward to take a better look... until he realized and turned around to run for his life. The missile wasn't exploding.
The bomb squad arrived shortly, surrounded and evacuated the area and observed carefully in a formation as one of them approached the missile.
The air blew and took some of the gunpowders with it. A member of the neutralizer squad was sneak smoking when he saw the captain approached, he hid his smoke on the crack on top of his helmet. But the wind came and few of the powders exploded on top of his head.
Everyone ran for cover, flames were on his shoulder burning his clothes. His squad sprayed an extinguisher on to him knocking him back down on the floor.
Very shortly after, a little of the flame fell to the missile and a soldier saw it, he shouted for everybody to get on the floor. The camera zoomed out all the way to the sky, a big explosion was anticipated. A crackling fireworks-like appeared at the middle.
The missile ran out of gunpowder to be significantly deadly, everybody was relieved. A guy felt like it's time to fart without anyone knowing, he let out a loud loud one everyone around him couldn't ignore. He was confident that it wasn't obvious and acted as if it was the missile and not him. Everyone covered his nose.
-----------------------------
Pada suatu hari
datanglah dragon ke rumah Esi. Esi bilang halo Dragon. Dragon bilang halo. Esi
bilang, makan Dragon.
Dragon bilang ia
Abis itu Esi
makan. Lalu Dragon mau makan, dia ragu terus dia tanya. Kamu sudah mau mati?
Esi bilang tentu
saja tidak.
Dragon bingung,
terus dia tanya... makan apa kalau begitu?
Esi bilang...
Dragon serius?! Heh
Dragon bilang ya
sudahlah tidak usah.
Esi bilang, tentu
saja Dragon bego.
Dragon tidak
marah hanya ketawa.
Lalu Esi makan ikannya.
Dragon bilang, jadi lapar ini. Esi bilang, ini ikan. Dragon makan, bilang enak,
tapi sangat kurang. Butuh 100 lagi.
Esi bilang ke
laut saja. Dragon bilang heh, bilang dari tadi... lalu Dragon dengan kesal
pergi ke laut dan memakan 300 ikan, sampai kekenyangan.
