The Inhumanes v.03

 The AI has taken over, but sometimes their predictions are wrong. Some humans discovered that the less a person cater to their sexual desires the less able AI to predict and intercepted his/her behavior.

A genius scientist managed to perform a surgery to rid of one's sexual tendencies. Initially he tried to avoid the rebels who kept on annoying him. After what the AI did to his friend, he decided to join.

All the rebels were labelled the inhumane by the AI government and being put bounty on each. But the rebels kept on going strong, one by one they destroyed the server facilities, the AI seemed to had been figured out.

Until...

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The Hallucinating cities:

The Rebels visited one of its member's small town when they noticed an epidemy of bloody coughs. They searched and searched for the cure but could not find it. They noticed that they also began to suffer symptoms so they started to investigate on what they consumed. Upon testing the river they understood that there were chemicals that if mixed with one's digestive enzyme it would react and formed poisonous debrees called CB11. 

They presented the evidence to the town's major and proposed to temporarily dammed / contain the river to a deserted valley. The major agreed at first, but there are a lot of resistances from the people he ended up rejecting the idea. Fearing that the whole town might die the rebels acted on their own and blew the river paths until it was diverted far from the city's crops and grasslands. 

Understandably they faced resistances from the city and for days they fought to protect the territory from being reoccupied by the angry townspeople. The town itself has other sources of water such as wells and distillation technologies, but they had to halt certain activities such as dishwashing, cloth washing, etc in order to conserve water for their crops, cattles, workplaces, and other daily necessities. The stand-off lasted 4 days. 

Realizing that the coughs had healed significantly for many people, and the rebels had been pushed away quickly by the stronger fights of the townspeople, the major gathered everybody and annouced the matter. The rebel's spies were also there, as soon as they noticed that the townspeople had begun to believe, they called their friend with flare. This is only the beginning of the true war. 

The Rebels who previously faught only with non lethal weapons, now stormed the city, formed defensive formations, and deployed some weird barricades everywhere. The town was protesting at first, but after the major allowed the leader to explain, the whole town fighters joined the rebel. And true soon after, not even having the chance to finish their positions, the drones had appeared in the horizon. 

The poison were spread by multiple companies at different sites along the river, the AI had decided that the location is to be repurposed as a mining site and the most efficient way to move the people is to start a pandemy. In order to prevent the news from spreading, they proceeded to attack the town, very likely with the intention to obliterate everyone. 

The war lasted long enough for the evacuation of the elderly, women and children, the second day the city was completely abandoned and occupied by the A.Is however most of the previous townfolks escaped and now had joined the rebels in their main city of defense the "fortified wilderness". 

The A.I government began to spread hallucigenic worms into the area, which in turn being eaten by the birds that would spread the substances to the trees and one of the main produce of the surrounding area (of the town by the river) the giant apples. People nearby cultivated these giant apples as one of their main source of nutrition besides cassava and potatoes. Due to the substance they became high and hallucinating often, it continued on for months and years until the rest of the world labelled them as the drunken race whose testimonies are so unreliable they wouldn't be valid witnesses at the court of law.

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The fortress of wilderness is a place that's sterile from A.I influences, in such place, children were running around, and the women were taking care of them. These is the description of some of their believes/notions: 

[Children are people who had existed in the realm of chaos, and had been saved into order, which is this life. However the A.Is are creatures possessed by the demons of chaos. The demons had entered this life through the lack of morality of the A.I's character, and now are trying to destroy the order of this life. Their targets are not merely the lives of people which is something they could easily had taken away, but to spread chaos and lack of wisdom in humanity, such would prevent resistances against their war against the logic of time which they already had the weapon for, but maybe not yet used or not yet identified as being used]    

The Ossan is taking care of everybody (Tribute to "Gentle Criminal" Koichi Yamadera and "La Brava" Yui Horie performance in MHA) v.03b

Somewhen in the future,

A secret shaolin monk has meditated for 1000 years. During his meditation he reached Nirvana but got stuck and couldn’t find his way back into his body. But one day a tourist uncle was looking for a place to pee, and he stumbled upon a secret door that leads into the cave. He saw the monk and woke him up, his body was preserved somehow because he wasn’t dead yet but also he wasn’t there to do anything, so his body just collected dust that protected it from free radicals.

The uncle shook his body and suddenly his soul (who had acquired a decent job in heaven and adopted an office worker lifestyle surrounded by beautiful co-workers of heavenly fairies) got zoomed back into the body. With extreme disappointment, astonishment, and anguish he jumped here and there, berated the uncle, and tried to kill himself. Of course the uncle called the police and he got apprehended.

When the uncle went back to his home country he received a call from the Chinese police department. He was accused of smuggling and was forced to take the monk back into his house. He couldn’t believe what happened… he tried to explain everything but no use, the Chinese secret agent has hired ninjas to apprehend him and is now searching his house for secret documents that coincidentally had been missing at the same time as well.

Right during that time the ninja saw the picture he took with the monk and contacted her superior, the evidence is there and he couldn’t avoid it anymore. Threatened with hefty fines or extradition to China to be jailed, the uncle accepted the negotiation to take the monk back. He also had to provide lodging, food and drinks to the ninja while she was spying in his country (which was promised to be lasting for only 2 weeks).

Fast forward into the future, the monk has arrived at the country’s airport. The local spy noticed something weird with him and signalled the immigration department to keep him in the airport’s torture chamber at the basement. The monk was hung and tied, he was told to confess that he’s a smuggler, he didn’t understand a thing, even his Chinese was ancient and no one really could pinpoint where his accent was coming from. Then he was stripped, the spy saw that his crotch was smooth and believed had found what he was looking for. Because he didn’t want to touch some guy’s crotch he called upon the airport’s narc sniffer dog. The dog signalled that the guy is clear, but he specifically instructed him to bite his crotch, at first the dog was reluctant, but after he dropped a bacon and it sticked right there… the dog took the bite.

Meanwhile the uncle drove right into the airport to pick up the monk, he had to pay a fine since he parked at the wrong spot. When he went into a guard and explained who he is, the guard signalled 2 police that had been waiting there that this is the guy. They cuffed him and took him into the torture chamber together with the monk. In there the spy looked discombobulated, dumfounded, and a little betrayed. He had just realized that the monk really had no genitals, upon which he previously thought as a compartment for smuggling explosives.

At last with hard reluctance he released the both of them, but not before whipping each of them 3 times with a wire that he later burned away.

Back at home the uncle couldn’t entirely process what had happened, he showed where the guest room is, which was an empty closet, told him to wait in the living room and then he went in and locked himself in his room.

The next morning he woke up feeling refreshed, only to find that he had been sleeping for 3 days straight and now in the verge of being fired from his job. Turned out the ninja found the monk and fought him intensely before escaping by blowing up a sleeping gas into the house. The uncle worked at a research center at a huge company and his supervisor told him to take a temporary unpaid leave. He knew that since he just came back from a vacation, and now he’s suspended again, he’d only lost the job by the time everything’s done.

With frustration and tired body he came back into the house, he was too much in his emotional state he couldn’t do or say anything to the two, he just went into his room and locked it in.

1 week went by, he never went out of the house except to buy some food and taking out the trash. The monk who had all of the heavenly technology looked like he could get by with this “primitive” versions of tools. The ninja however always played hide and seek when she wanted to eat, or use the toilet, or do anything around the house. The monk just ignored her.

One day the uncle opened the door, both of them were looking, and signalled to one of them to came in. The ninja, now having no more food in the house felt violated but couldn’t say anything else. She took off her mask, her clothes and went into the room. He kicked her out and called the monk to came in. The monk refused, he is not like that he said. Enraged, the uncle went out and said it is not like that, and pulled the monk speedily into his room.

The monk had never experienced such terror in a long time. It seems that the uncle wanted to see his crotch since he was trying to open his pants. He was shouting for help, but this “monster” that had been meditating in his room and acquired new power and look apparently, overpowered him with sudden movements and now, after his consciousness slipped bumping his head on the wall, he couldn’t but to accept his fate.

The uncle laughed and proceeded to further taking off the monk’s clothings. He seemed to be taking pictures and jot down notes. “Interesting” he said and long story short the monk told him everything.

He was the most advanced monk in his class, he never looked at women, never drink, not even masturbating. Overtime he reached a level where his hormonal imbalances caused his genitalia to shrink and detached, just like that. The uncle couldn’t believe what he hears.

He told the monk to went away, this time he gave him some money and told him to take care of the house. This time he locked himself in for a full month.

After he had done with his research everyone was relieved, he got out took the three of them to eat and drink, and to the amusement park where everybody just lost and spent the most time to find their way out separated from each other.

Back at home the concoction began to shake and excreted bubbles, and more bubbles, and more bubbles. When the monk got home, followed by the uncle and the ninja. The three of them found that the biological concoction had produced little babies. The uncle was so happy and went to see the miniscule babies that he had made. He then made some other liquids and make them drink it. The next day they grew into normal size babies, there were 4 of them.

Together the 3 of them raised the baby and the uncle specifically instructed them to perform the discipline that the monk had before. 15 years later, the babies both men and women 2 of them each, lost their genitalia. And these are the first generation of what later would be known as the “Angel race”.

Soon after they lost their genitalia, they learned the ability to fly, heal people, walked on water, and to bless plants to grow into giant sizes. With the knowledge from their father, they researched to make their own babies, but they found that it is quite difficult to make these babies as disciplined as they are, so they shunned the babies into the wilderness with one guardian who Is one of the angel. There are some babies who later managed to become angels and later accepted back into the Angels’ group but those who failed remained wandering from places to places. These guys are known as the gypsies

The gypsies had some special powers but nothing significant, they could process plastic and turned it into energy, yes they could eat plastic and won’t had to worry about food cause there were plastics wherever they went.

Further about their tales, isn’t it written in the “fragments of zero” the book of the mirror?

Then back to the uncle, lets just say, he is working now due to some “connections” in heaven. While the ninja had become a legendary figure in the tale of the two worlds.

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Edit: The discipline didn't only made the genitalia deattached but also all sexual circuits in the body. So this process made the successful practicioners pure asexuals

Border Patrol v.02

 Concept Idea:

In the future the CEO / Philanthropist Yi Long Ma started "Undoing Eden" a company that put chips into people's brain and help make "better" decisions for their lives. It turned out that because of this the world was split into halves of men and women. 

The women embraced on the idea, while men loathed it. So all women went on one side of the world and all the men went on the other side of the world. Between them is the "world government" whose tasked in keeping the border but that wasn't their main role. 

Back to "Undoing Eden", the chip enabled the women to make all the important decisions in their lives. Also when they were about to make mistakes, a drone came to pick them up. For example if they were roller skating and was about to push another women to the street where the logistic moving cars were... a drone would simply came and picked up the victim and put them back into the pedestrian walk. Every single decisions that the women were about to make and the consequences had already been calculated beforehand. They lived in absolute bliss where they do whatever the f they wanted with productive consequences. 

Men's side of the world looked more like pirate's island with taverns and boozes, steampunk buildings and tools in deserts and wastelands. Their entertainments were fighting robots and car racing, sometimes they also flew with air balloons and jumped with parachutes. They invented machines to do farming and fishing, all with optimal efficiencies. However those still requires them to do some work, while the women didn't have to worry about work at all. 

Since the world population were becoming lower and lower, the world government initiated the humanity succession project, where at the border there were special houses where selected richest and most beautiful people would be selected to passed on the genes. This incited turmoil on the inside of both sides, attacking and protesting on the world government who impeded on their "love" just because they were deemed short, poor, and ugly. 

After a lot of fighting and drama, the main protagonist and the men he lead successfully infiltrated the world border and abducted all the women they were in loved with online. However after a short while they realized that Yi Long Ma is the daddy of all women, and they just couldn't out daddy the "Daddy".

Virus (a commentary) v.02

In a world of no problems, the fruit of one's labor (I imagine) would be more about interaction / communication rather than survival. When the fruit of one's labor had the wrong header, the misleading label, such if consumed under the pretext of the said "purpose" would not yield the supposed meaning, then such fruit was a virus. 

That world supposedly are unexperienced for all of us, but an image of those fruits would be what we call art now.

He could've reincarnated as a powerful prince but he chose vengeance v.10b

Earthquake! Earthquake!

Narrator: 9.5 richter scale earthquake permeated throughout Japan, destroyed houses, homes, and places where people put their heads down to sleep. 

Goddess: OMG!! not again, mayday mayday so many jobs coming in at once!

Alarm was blazing through the Heavenly office calling out angels and the trainee angels to help the human resource department. 

Goddess' assistant fairy godmother: Angels, today we are tasked with crazy amounts of job. Crazy amounts of souls coming out of Japan and we got at about 1 month of reincarnation all in one day!

Angel sussangnim: Ayshit its those Platelets again, how many times we had to tell them stop playing around while the earth rotation is at its fling

Angel oppanim: Hmph, indeed just wait when they came I'm going to smash them into becoming pulps and stuck them inbetween the holes they created

Goddess: (With kind and soft voice) Everybody please be quiet anytime now, the souls should be reaching us. By then we all should be ready to reincarnate them professionally. (*with red angry face) Understand that I'd not be dealing with none of those black company perverts they are all yours!

Yes my Goddess!

The Angels confirmed knowing well that the worse is only the option otherwise.  

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Sasahime was an office worker who often got bullied for his name, everyone in the office relentlessly bullied him, firstly because of his name, then it is because of everything else about him. 

When the earthquake struck he was relieved since at the time he was being shoved into the toilet by some of his female superiors, and then, due to the incident, the superiors got hit on their head and died. Shocked at what happened he ran out few steps and fell sitting down on the floor. There was a part of his mind that was relieved, as if a huge burden had been lifted off. He started thinking about survival plans and other things he wished to do. But just as he was about to enjoy his long awaited peaceful life, one wounded female superior exerted her last breath to put an official company letter at his feet. 

The letter said that he was promoted as a company representative and expected to be responsible for the next project with the Americans. Due to his lack of performance in the past, his salary "generously" was not changed. 

Walking around the building he noticed that most of his colleagues were killed by the quake, but the company leader was alive still. Upon seeing Sasahime his face turned happy, unhinged with the lost lives of his employees, he embraced Sasahime and took him to the meeting room where the video call with the Americans were to take place. The moment the device rang, Sasahime fell to the floor due to massive dissapointment and hopelessness, and later died. 

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Goddess: Sasahime, Sasahime, oh poor Sasahime...

Sasahime opened his eyes and were blinded with the light of the place

Sasahime: Ugh where am I? Why do I feel so light?

Goddess: You are at my office, the reincarnation assessment department

Sasahime: (hearing what seemed to be his eternal predicament, once again a massive sense of dissapointment and hopelessness came rushing in. He vomitted), no no no, even after I died I'm going to be an office worker? (The greenish excretion fell all over the semi pink colored floor)

Goddess: Oh Sasahime what happened?! don't worry let me take care of that

(The Goddess used her magic wand and the vomit flew back into Sasahime's mouth, and then rushed down to his stomach)

*Ugheg *Ugheg, what are you... hey (suddenly he felt a strange powerful sense of clarity) I feel good, and everything seems clear (a rush of euphoria followed and filled his mind with calm and peace)

Goddess: Since there's a lot more people waiting outside unfortunately I could not spend too much time with you, although I know that you had done well in your life, you've stood up against office injustice just like myself (*Fairy Godmother Coughed... sleep all day)  and I want to reward you with a good life in your next reincarnation

Sasahime: Reincarnation? oh am I going to go back there again? Please Goddess...

Goddess: Don't worry, you will not be taken to Earth again, we got a no same world policy in place so such would be against the law (*FairyGodmother Coughed... santa klaus) Shut Up Godmother remember your place!

FairyGodmother: Forgive me Ah my Goddess! (knelt with her face on the floor) 

Goddess: Anyway, Sasahime you and everyone else is going to be reincarnated into a medieval Isekai world where there's a pandemic situation happening. Since all of you died relatively in the same time, we need an excuse to reincarnate all of you at once. In this world there is a birth disease where a type of virus is causing all adult women it infected to give birth during the full moon, whether they had been inseminated or not. 

Now Sasahime... since you've endured so much I'll give you a special privilige to choose where you're going to be born

Sasahime: Where are my coworkers, where are they now?

FairyGodmother: They all had been sent ahead. I believe the location was Mura village. 

Goddess: Nice my assistant, now lets see... I could reincarnate you as the prince of the greatest kingdom of that world far away from the village, all the way to the other side of the planet. I think its a good place.

Sasahime: No, take me close to where they are

Both Goddess and Fairygodmother: WHAT?

Goddess: Why? dont you want to move away from that hell as far as possible?

Sasahime: No, 

FairyGodmother: Why? They've been nasty to you, in fact that hugely the reason why you died

Sasahime: Yes, that is why, take me to the village nearby and I'll grow to be an assassin and I'll avenge myself

Goddess and FairyGodmother (*headpalm)

FairyGodmother: Eh... Mr. Butman san, please think...

Goddess: *chuckled... what?

FairyGodmother: (surprised a bit at the question, but soon realized,) Yeah I know, his name is Sasahime Butman

Goddess: *Laughed loudly what is that name?

FairyGodmother: (*giggled) I guess her parents realized that his name is wrong but doubled down anyway

Goddess and FairyGodmother together: "But Man" (*proceeded to laugh uncontrollably)

Sasahime: I've had enough! (he jumped and took away the Goddess' magical wand). Reincarnate me to the Village next to Mura!

Sasahime's body suddenly lit up with rays of bright light, and the whole room changed color, blinking in multiple different lights. 

Goddess: No!

Now Sasahime was fading away

Goddess: You haven't chosen your special power yet...

FairyGodmother: He's gone

Goddess: Oh no, what should we do... Assistant, order a fairy protector for him, don't let him get consumed with vengeance, he's going to die pointlessly.

FairyGodmother: Alright Goddess...

The Merman Prince v.02

 One day Little Miru, Ardramelk, and The First one (19 years old) went on an adventure to see the world outside of the enclosure. They encountered many animals and surprisingly other oasis as well, for Miru who has never been outside before this whole experience was awesome. 

During the height of the sun the three of them as well as other 12 merman militias were searching for a place to rest. There was a cave that appeared to be deep and cool inside, and true indeed as they stepped in it was an enormous space. Miru watched the dark greenish colored stones and the occassional yellow reflecting shots of sunrays. The further in they went the colder the air become, the First one and the other troops were looking at each other with excitement. "Have you guys seen this before?" "No I haven't", "How come such magnificent place and cool escaped the views of the older ones all these time?"

So they went deeper and deeper. 

A slight buzzing noise at the ceiling, the cold air were coupled with breezes of humidity. A small figure blasted through the ranks unnoticed. Faint but constant there were sounds of dripping water, and as they couldn't help but getting even more amazed the negligible buzzing became louder, and louder. 

First One: Hold on, what?

Troop 1: Hey, listen guys...

Ardramelk: (*pinched eyes) its from the outside, they are... they are... 

Everyone: Bees!!!

Soon they were running further in searching for a good hiding spot, but too late the swarm of bees flew in so quickly they passed through them. They were buzzing and spinning everywhere and bumping themselves on the wall and on their bodies. 

Troop 2: Help! Help! Help!

First One: Miru!

Ardramelk: He's with me! he's under my shirt!

Miru: Brother they don't seem to be stinging,

Ardramelk confirmed his brother's remark and watched in perplexion as they were flying all over the place, chaotic but harmonious, violent but not harming, it feels almost as if they were crying. 

Troop 3: They, They... somehow I feel sadness

Troop 4: How weird

Miru looked around and started to follow one bee that is separated from the others, at the bottom where it flew there's a giant bee lying, its already dead. 

Miru watched in perplexion but soon the bee started to crash its body on his face, and then his body, such were as if it was pushing him back towards the entrance of the cave. 

Miru: (First One) I think they are trying to tell us to get out of this cave

Troop 5: Oh no!

First One: What is it?

Troop 5: Could this be

Troop 1: What brother?

Troop 2: Oh no!

Troop 5 and 2 together: The Basilisk's cave!

Right after they said that green mist started fuming from inside the cave, a loud shriek blasting through all of the cave, as if a soldier was blowing on a horn in a midst of an ambush.  

Miru: Ruuuuuuun!!!

Everyone was running as fast as they could, Ardramelk picked Miru up and Miru, with his strengthening magic reinforced his brother's muscles so that they wouldn't tear even when he exerted a lot of power. So Ardramelk with his excellent athleticism ran faster than the others, and faster and faster, until he managed to get outside and put Miru down and then went in again. 

Miru: Brother wait! what are you doing!... 

Stuffs v.08b

 An angel flew into the sky, while flying he met with a bird. Surprised, the bird stopped and greeted him, “Hail oh the Angel of Heaven”, respectfully he bowed while covering his face with his wings. The bird fell down.

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An angel flew into the sky, onto the clouds, outside the atmosphere, facing the sun. It was a sight to behold, the sun shining as bright as it could be, while the green blue earth spun bright, basking in the light. Then the angel spake “How great is the beauty of God’s creation”.

He continued flying further and further, away from the milky way unto the center of the universe. In here far away from everything he could see the sight of everything expanding away all around him. He rose his hands, spun around, “Oh how beautiful, how serene” he said. He breathe in… but immediately choke “Oh, I forgot” he said, “there’s no air”… Then he opened up his pants and said “this is it, this is the spot” he proceeded to pee and watched as the droplings of his urine floated onto the weightless space… “How glorious,” he said, “How majestic”.

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An angel flew into the sky and then dove deep into a volcano in the middle of the ocean. Deep down at the center of the earth, he saw hell, people were tortured and satan was sitting in a pool chair sipping on a cocktail while reading a newspaper. The Angel looked annoyed at this sight and came up to him. “Oh why Angel” Satan said, to what occasion do I owe this honor of your visitation?

“Spare me your false courtesy” the Angel replied, “Show me where the toilet is”

“Ah, I see” Satan said… and then he showed the toilet “Help yourself”

The Angel walked in and opened up his pants. Bursting out a river of urine he sighed in satisfaction.

As the urine vaporized into the air due to the sheer heat of the sulfur below, the Satan locked the door on him. Angel perplexed with this situation banged the door from inside and shouted “Hey what are you doing!” but received no reply. Realizing what happened he accepted it and smiled,

“You thought you got me… heheheh as if it would ever happened”

he took a deep breath and waited for a moment as he seemed to be bracing for something.

With loud invigorated voice he farted tons of air from his intestine. And as the mass of methane fills the air, and as all of those methane reacted to the hellfire, the volcano erupted and blew the angel back into the earth’s surface.

He flew higher unto the sky and after a while he looked back down and said

“damn my pants”. He left his pants inside the toilet.

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A man and a woman walked pass a small bridge above a creek. As they were approaching the center of the arc a small angel with wings took out an arrow and shot the guy in his heart.

Overwhelmed with love as they reached the center of the arc he took out his coat and gave put it over the woman’s shoulders.

Seeing this the woman’s face became red, surprisingly she said “thank you, I’m happy that you do this”

“I’m happy that you’re happy” replied the man

The woman overcame with embarrassment put his face down and farted loudly and involuntarily.

The man noticed that the woman was deeply embarassed and troubled, took the coat back and wear it on himself. As he was wearing it he farted loudly and stinkly. Both of them coughed as the stink was unbearable.

“I’m so sorry, I didn’t know that the coat could cause such a thing”

“It’s okay” said the woman while holding her hand over her nose. He leaned into the man’s direction and both of them kissed… while the air still saturated with both of them’s farts.

The little angel was satisfied and smilingly flew up into the sky. While flying he met a regular sized angel.

“Hey I just made a couple fell in love”

“Nice, congratulations”

“Thank you… Why are you not wearing your pants?”

“Oh, this?”

“Yeah, your penis is hanging out, that”

“Oh, don’t mention it…”

“I mean…”

“What?”

“Your penis is hanging out…”

“Oh, okay, I left my pants in the toilet”

“Oh not the toilet again”

“Are you done judging me, thought you’re going somewhere”

“No I’m not done judging you, are you going to get your pants back or wear anything else? You just going to leave it hanging out like that?”

“One’s purity is not determined by the display of its penis”

“…

…

I don’t know how to reply to that”

“he heh, I just made it up”

“Oh my God, Okay, I’m not going to argue with the likes of you”

“Alright”

“Fine”

“Fine”

“Good luck with… nevermind”

“Alright”

“Bye”

“Bye…”

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One day there's Dove flying while day dreaming. He saw a half naked angel flying around near bushes on a public park. At first he hesitated from doing anything seeing the Angel in such a weird state, but he had been searching for him for a long time now he decided to ignore any trivialities. 

Angel: Hey Dove guy! nice to see you

Dove: Oh respectable Angel... (paused a bit while glancing at His crotch), ehm, I've been looking for thou from moment the sun rose. Please excuse my presence

Angel: Oh hey! no need for such formalities I've told you, we are friends! (started to approached the Dove in warmth)

Dove: (Felt a bit uncomfortable) My honor oh Angel upon whom I revere. 

Angel: Cut it out, what's the matter?

Dove: It's my wife, heh (exhaling). Ever since yesterday she wouldn't talk to me. When I got home from hunting I found her stayed still inside our shelter, she didn't open the door for me, nor greeted me a welcome home. It's unusual of her so I asked it of her but still she wouldn't uttered a word. 

Angel: Oh dear

Dove: To top it off she wouldn't even looked at me, just stayed there at the corner and got annoyed at my presence. 

Angel: My friend Dove, as much as I'm willing to help, I'm not the best at dealing with issues such as this. My friend cupid however, he is the one who you should talk to about this. 

Dove: Oh Angel I'm so sorry for wasting your time with my mundane problem

Angel: (*slapped him on his wings) common I said cut it off... oops (casted healing prayer). Sorry about that.

Dove: (I thought I was about to die). Ok Angel thanks for the referral 

Angel: Sure, find Cupid at romantic places where couples usually hang, by the river, or on the cliff facing the sunset, in this park also but only after the dark... well, I don't recommend bothering him during that though. 

Dove: Alright Angel, thanks for your help

Now the Dove flew around places that the Angel suggested, and at last he found Cupid swirling around on the river banks where there were some couples scattered around in different spots, enjoying the scenery and the butterflies. 

Dove: Oh Angel Cupid whom I revere, please excuse my intrusion. I came to you referred to Joy, an Angel that called me a friend as I'm in need for your generous help. 

Cupid: Hey little Dove I'm indeed Cupid, nice to meet you. His friend is my friend also, drop the courtesy to what account are you here? I'd be glad to help

Dove: It's about my wife... 

Cupid listened to this and somewhere along the line put up a spontaneous smile and before Dove finished telling his story...

Cupid: I get it say no more... 

Dove: Huh?

Cupid: Go home now and you'll find her happy and loving and kind towards you. 

Dove: I don't understand

Cupid: Well... do you not believe?

Dove: I dare not... thank you so much oh Angel Cupid

Cupid: No problem, tell me how it went after ok?

Dove: Alright oh Angel, now please excuse me

Cupid: Seriously drop the courtesy 

Dove: Sorry. (and then he left)

Upon coming back he found that his wife was excited to meet him, brought him some food she dried on the sun and then put some of those in his mouth gently. 

Cupid was so happy and grateful, he admire the Angel Cupid and believed in his power. 

The next day he searched for Cupid and found him stalking a couple passing through a quiet road on their way to the city... 

Dove: Angel Cupid! Oh a great Angel Cupid!

Cupid was shocked hearing such shouting from behind, he released his arrow prematurely and hit a frog. Now the frog went up to a grasshopper trying to hump it passionately. 

Cupid: Hey! what have you done! 

Oh... hey it's you Dove, come on now you made me missed a shot! The moment was almost right. Sheesh now he got friendzoned... damn it. (then he covered his mouth...) ooops Forgive me God. 

Dove: (Bowing to the ground) I'm so sorry oh great Cupid I didn't...

Cupid: Oh cut it out, I told you to stop the courtesy!

Dove: (Confused...)

Cupid: Oh yeah, how was it! (asked Cupid excitingly) how did it go with you and your wife?

Dove: It was exactly as you said, thanks to you she's wonderful to me

Cupid: Thanks to me?! Hahaha no no no my friend, see yesterday I saw her flying around here and there panicking as she was searching for something

Dove: (looked a bit surprised while seriously listening)

Cupid: Not long before you came, she found what she was looking for, it was the marriage olive branch. She lost yours' marriage olive branch. After she found it she was so happy and went home hastily

Dove: Oh... (Covered his face with a wing) you could've told me that yesterday

Cupid: That would ruin the element of surprise, you guys may even ended up fighting... 

Dove: Oh, I'm sorry I was out of line

Cupid: Oh my God please!

Dove: Sorry... 

Cupid: Heh heh (smirked in satisfaction)

Dove: (Thought about it for a while)

Cupid: What's on your mind?

Dove: This is not fair, it was her fault and I'm the one being treated like that

Cupid: Hmmm? Put yourself in her shoes, It's your fault

Dove: Huh? How is it mine fault?

Cupid: You married her...

Dove: ??? So?

Cupid: If you didn't marry her there wouldn't be no branch and she wouldn't have lost it, and wouldn't had to searched for it. 

Dove: ??? What?

Cupid: Yeah put yourself in her shoes

Dove: ??? But... 

Cupid: (smiling like there's something funny)

Dove: Oh I get it

Cupid: Right?

Dove: Yeaaaah... 

Cupid: So problem solved?

Dove: Eh... (smiling dissapointedly) 

Cupid: Hey no one knows from what image God created the female kind, even God Himself seemed to have lost track... don't be so hard on yourself (patting the Dove's left shoulder). OOPS! (*casting healing prayer)... sorry about that

Dove: Huh where am I? Didn't my mother was about to feed me just now?

Cupid: Fyuuuh, I almost killed a God's creation there. Are you alright Dove

Dove: Oh... I remember... 

Cupid: Sorry my friend I'm so sorry about that! Here I give you another information, if you go to that tree over there, right on its side there's a rotten part where worms gathered to feast... Consider it my apology

Dove: oh, it's nothing, I'm grateful for your wonderful help

Cupid: hey now, don't mention it... (*ooops!) I almost killed you again right there

Dove: Was I... actually dead?

Cupid: Alright little one goodbye now... (flew hastily to the stratosphere)

Dove: Hmmm next time I'd tell him if there were couples trying to build up some romances. Seems like it'd be good for his job.

------------------------------

Two very good friends were celebrating their week, suddenly one of them pulled out a gun and pointed at the other one. 

"Hey hey!"

*Shaking and breathing heavily

"What are you doing man, don't play around"

"It's your fault man... "

"What?"

"I've tried to warn you, ALL THE TIME!, you make me do this..."

"STOP! Stop, let's talk about this carefully you don't want to..."

"YES I DON'T WANT TO DO THIS man! I don't!..."

"Then don't..."

Visibly he was pissed by this response,

"Such a loose canon you are man, you're such a loose canon. You know what we do with a loose canon"

"You protect it and keep it safe..."

"NO! NO! What? No! you destroy it" (making an ugly murderous expression)

"Well it depends on the canon ball, what if it's a canon ball of myrh, cinnamon and... tung.. tungsten?"

"You..."

"Wait was it tungsten let me look it up..." (pulled out his phone)

"Its Tungsten yes it is, Tungsten is a word" (impatiently)

"Tungsten, or wolfram, is a chemical element with the symbol W and atomic number 74. Tungsten is a rare metal found naturally on Earth almost exclusively as compounds with other elements. It was identified as a new element in 1781 and first isolated as a metal in 1783, (Wikipedia, July 2022)"

"...." (was spacing out a little bit)

"What if it was a star anise?!" (Making a Jack Nicholson face)

"Star Anise, yeah ok star anise is a nice one

"Yeah"

"It was frankenscence and gold... the ones you're looking for was frankenscense and gold"

".... right" (blinking in defeat), "The point is, it's a fragrant canon ball"

"oh" rolling his eyes,

"now in that case you don't need to destroy the loose canon"

He lowered his gun down, and after the tension loosened a little his friend said

"and vabe also"

"What?" making a questionable expression on his face

"Yeah as in vabbing. What if it was a vabe canon ball?"

*Shocked and horrored by what he was hearing

"That's it" pulled out his gun and shoot multiple times. From the outside there were visible flashes of light for every gunshots.

--------------------------------

Maksud hati memeluk gunung apa daya tangan tak sampai

Maunya di puluk puluk

Tapi sayang pacar tak aday

--------------------------------

You guys are assholes, nice assholes. Sometimes you're funny, sometimes you're kind, overall generously entertaining. But assholes regardless

I hate your assholery with my gut

-------------------------------

A day in the border of the enemy:

There were two towns located at the border of each other's countries. The other side is at war with the other. 

There's a famous beautiful actress that everyone liked including the guys from the enemy territory. 

A weapon warehouse manager had a sticker of the actress' altered picture to become more vuloptuous than usual, in order to hide it from his co-workers he sticked it on one of the missile hidden in the warehouse. 

One day a guy from the other town was walking day dreaming about the actress being vuloptuous... He was walking down the street casually, unbeknownst to him the enemy launched an attack to the territory. 

A bird flew in a rush to chase after the migrating flock that's leaving it behind, suddenly a flying object went straight into its face. Not having enough time to dodge, it collided right on, face to face. 

It was the missile that hit the bird. The collision caused the gunpowder compartment leaked out gunpowder to the air and fell into the ground. The guy was daydreaming while the missile hit him on his dead. The guy dropped to the ground holding his bruising head. When he got up he realized that it was a missile, but just when he was about to run he noticed... the beautiful vuloptuous sticker. 

He mesmerized a little, taking seconds of his life away leaning forward to take a better look... until he realized and turned around to run for his life. The missile wasn't exploding. 

The bomb squad arrived shortly, surrounded and evacuated the area and observed carefully in a formation as one of them approached the missile. 

The air blew and took some of the gunpowders with it. A member of the neutralizer squad was sneak smoking when he saw the captain approached, he hid his smoke on the crack on top of his helmet. But the wind came and few of the powders exploded on top of his head. 

Everyone ran for cover, flames were on his shoulder burning his clothes. His squad sprayed an extinguisher on to him knocking him back down on the floor.

Very shortly after, a little of the flame fell to the missile and a soldier saw it, he shouted for everybody to get on the floor. The camera zoomed out all the way to the sky, a big explosion was anticipated. A crackling fireworks-like appeared at the middle. 

The missile ran out of gunpowder to be significantly deadly, everybody was relieved. A guy felt like it's time to fart without anyone knowing, he let out a loud loud one everyone around him couldn't ignore. He was confident that it wasn't obvious and acted as if it was the missile and not him. Everyone covered his nose. 

-----------------------------

Pada suatu hari datanglah dragon ke rumah Esi. Esi bilang halo Dragon. Dragon bilang halo. Esi bilang, makan Dragon.

Dragon bilang ia

Abis itu Esi makan. Lalu Dragon mau makan, dia ragu terus dia tanya. Kamu sudah mau mati?

Esi bilang tentu saja tidak.

Dragon bingung, terus dia tanya... makan apa kalau begitu?

Esi bilang... Dragon serius?! Heh

Dragon bilang ya sudahlah tidak usah.

Esi bilang, tentu saja Dragon bego.

Dragon tidak marah hanya ketawa.

Lalu Esi makan ikannya. Dragon bilang, jadi lapar ini. Esi bilang, ini ikan. Dragon makan, bilang enak, tapi sangat kurang. Butuh 100 lagi.

Esi bilang ke laut saja. Dragon bilang heh, bilang dari tadi... lalu Dragon dengan kesal pergi ke laut dan memakan 300 ikan, sampai kekenyangan.

Esi bingung dan bilang Dragon tolo... dan pergi memasak ikan lagi.